cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
