the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just invented taco cereal.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
