Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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