I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
