I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
