I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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