I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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