i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize