90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
