my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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