As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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