just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
