did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
