Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
