guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
