just tell him i said nine months
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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