Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
