I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
