totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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