She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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