Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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