I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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