What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
