OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
