***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
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Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
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