my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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