the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
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Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
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I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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