He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
