There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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