you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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