I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he was CRYING into my vagina
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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