Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
