Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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