I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize