I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
