I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
