Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
