I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
