Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
