Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
