He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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