I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
