i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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