I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
