dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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