I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
