call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize