I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
