Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize