it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
