so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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