okay pat passed out under dana's car
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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