How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
