Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I'm really busy with my period
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