PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Couch. On fire.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
