I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
