that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
